Showing posts with label first draft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first draft. Show all posts

Sunday, October 26, 2014

First Draft Example

This is my first draft. It is a combination of all 5 blog posts, modified slightly to blend together nicely. Please notice, there are (almost) no grammar or spelling errors (I hope). It is polished and clean. Yours should be, too. 

Use the label: First Draft 

Here is another example that I did not write.

Just Machines

Everyday we marvel at the power of our tiny computing devices - a phone that knows if it is in a purse or not, a watch that tracks your calendar, or shoes that help you exercise optimally by measuring your heart rate. However, we usually forget perhaps the most amazing computing device we all have - our brains. Perhaps computers can beat the brain in certain, limited computational tasks, but the overall performance of the brain out-performs every man made object to date. Think about it - Your brain keeps you balanced while you walk, helps you decide when and what to eat, regulates your emotions and allows for all art and culture ever produced. Actually, you couldn't even think about this without your brain, a task no computer could accomplish. Although computers are constantly evolving, they will never be as powerful as the human brain.


Since Samuel Butler first expressed his fears of the rapid development of machinery, humans have fixated on this imagined future where we are enslaved or worse by our own creations. Considering he said, "There is no security against the ultimate development of mechanical consciousness," in the 19th century, before computers, his words proved surprisingly salient. Despite the fact that computers are indisputably growing in terms of computational power at an incredible rate, there is no reason to realistically fear a computer that can work autonomously in any meaningful way, let alone outsmart a human. Consider Microsoft's Project Adam. The software can sort and organize millions of photos quickly and accurately by analyzing the images. It can distinguish between extremely similar looking breeds of dogs in a photo, for example. Practically this means you might one day be able to do an image search for a sweater you want, oh, say, "a mauve cashmere sweater with 3/4 lengths sleeves," and without any cumbersome text based tagging or sorting the search engine will analyze every single image on the internet and parse out all the cashmere sweaters that aren't mauve or have full sleeves. An impressive accomplishment. This represents one of the most incredible achievements of practical computing today. However, even this breakthrough in computing technology does nothing to narrow the gap between computer and human intelligence. The technology cannot operate independently of human involvement. The technology is still responding entirely to human based input, on human based instructions with human programmers and human technology feeding it, like electricity or data from the internet. 

Or, to look at an example of cutting edge technology trying more directly to mirror the power of the human brain, let's consider the Human Brain Project's effort to recreate the human brain's neural network by networking millions of computers. Their hope is that one day the network will be so sophisticated that it will have the same plasticity and power of a human brain. Even though there are real people with real plans to accomplish this, on their own website they acknowledge how unfeasible this project is in reality, and why even if it is created it will not really rival human brain power. First, the power consumption of their current model is more than an obstacle, it is a concrete barrier. The technology required would require hundreds of millions of times the power of the human brain. That means that to power one single hypothetical brain, it would require the entire power production of several small countries combined - for one "brain". 

If we examine the thinkers that predict a world of computers thinking on a human level we encounter a mostly deluded camp of sci-fi lovers who base their theories on Star Wars inspired fantasy more than any facts. Even the serious and respected thinkers, like Ray Kurzweil, Google's "futurologist" (Even the title invites mockery, doesn't it?) have questionable motives when they make predictions about computers that think like people in 15 years. The existence of his job relies on the hope that one day computers can reach that level. Similarly, Kurzweil's reputation would suffer if the idea that computer's will match our thinking power became common place. Certainly The Guardian would be less interested in him.

Artificial intelligence, and the abiding fears of computer-powered dominion over humans, are common place and popular fodder for idle discussion. However, when considered in reality these fears are misguided, and the hope of a computer as smart as a human is absurd. 

Perhaps one of the challenges to adequately discussing this topic is the difficulty of defining the human brain in a way that can be compared to a computer so as to compare the power of the two. Let's first look at the human brain through a terrible lens, and one that sci fi concepts seem to constantly attribute to computers: the power to destroy. Perhaps the unique human ability to war and fight at a level unique to our species (Dolphins, as predatory and scary as they may be, will never launch a mortar barrage against an enemy pod or engage in genocide.) so will robots ever reach this uniquely human metric? Computer science professor at the University of Sheffield, England Noel Sharkey says no. "They are just computer systems... the only way they can become dangerous is when used in military applications." To Sharkey, robots and artificial intelligence have the greatest growth potential in toy markets, a strong indication of the potential for nefariousness he sees in future computing technology. He goes on to point out that the largest developments in robotics come not from software, but from their hardware. Robots that can walk or navigate difficult terrain seem to be the new trend for robots mimicking human behavior.

An article from Vox.com makes an interesting case about why computers will never be able to match human intelligence:

A computer program has never grown up in a human family, fallen in love, been cold, hungry or tired, and so forth. In short, they lack a huge amount of the context that allows human beings to relate naturally to one another.
Basically, the argument is that even if a computer can match our brain's computational power (A very far off and unlikely possibility), it will never be able to pass as a human because it lacks the experiences that really create our humanity. Or, in other words, humans are so much more than our brain power - we are the products of our upbringings. Our tenacity, will, passions and dreams all come from the sum of our experiences, not how fast we think. Because of that, computers will not be able to function at a human level of creativity or character. 

Actually, this supposition stems from a famous scenario from philosopher John Searle in the 1980s. He proposed that an Englishman with no knowledge of Chinese, if locked in a room with an instruction manual for reading and writing Chinese characters, could successfully interpret and respond to messages passed under the door to him from a native Chinese speaker on the outside of the room. Theoretically, given enough time, the Englishman could respond so accurately that the native Chinese speaker would be sure that she was in fact corresponding with another native Chinese speaker.  Essentially, the Englishman would have passed himself off as a Chinese person with no contextual understanding of what it means to be Chinese. The extension of the argument into artificial intelligence is that even if we create a computer that can mimic and interact with humans so convincingly that we believe we are conversing with a real human, that machine will not be human because it lacks the contextual understandings of humanity.

Whether we define the brain by what it produces (In this paper I discussed the example of war, but many other examples would suffice, art or romance, for example), or in terms of raw computational power or how the experiences that mold each molecularly similar brain into such unique masterpieces the conclusion remains the same: Any computer, no matter how powerful or well conceived, can approach a human level of thought or existence.

It is not hard to find sources that will warn you of the coming robot apocalypse or singularity that will render humans obsolete, either in entertainment - the Matrix or Terminator series - or legitimate science - Ron Kurzweil and the whole school of futuroligists. In part, I agree; computers and technology are capable of terrifying acts of destruction and cold inhumanity. What is important to remember, though, is that none of these acts are possible without human provocation, and the sometimes-scary lifelessness of computers is really only as scary as the lifelessness of a vacuum cleaner or screw driver. In short, they’re tools: Incredibly powerful, important and relied-upon tools, but still just tools. If we ever limit the expansion of technology, we will cost ourselves advances in medicine, food, water and air purification, clean energy developments and crisis management solutions. It is not an exaggeration to say that technological advances save lives when used responsibly. Instead of looking at technology suspiciously, we need to consider it from the perspective of, “How can we use this technology? How can we develop it to better serve our needs?” Like Prometheus surely scared his friends by wielding fire, we will no doubt earn criticism and condemnation for allowing and encouraging the pursuit of new technologies. But, like Prometheus, it will be easy to ignore those criticisms with a full belly - or a robot hygienist meticulously disinfecting our whole house, as the case may be.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Conclusion Example

Instructions:
  1. Read the conclusion instructions here.
  2. Write your conclusion and all the drafts like this example. 
  3. Don’t delete the old conclusions! Keep a record of them so I and your peers can see your progress.

My Conclusion 1

It is not hard to find sources that will warn you of the coming robot apocalypse or singularity that will render humans obsolete, either in entertainment (The Matrix) or legitimate science (Ron Kurzweil). I will be the first to admit that in so many ways these fears are justified. Computers and technology are capable of terrifying acts of destruction and cold inhumanity. What is important to remember, though, is that none of these acts are possible without human provocation, and the sometimes-scary lifelessness of computers is, when put in perspective, as scary as the lifelessness of a vacuum cleaner or screw driver. In short, they’re tools. Incredibly powerful, important and relied-upon tools. If we ever limit the expansion of technology, or anything, really, based on an unfounded fear though, we are costing ourselves so much. We will cost ourselves advances in medicine, food, water and air purification, clean energy developments and crisis management solutions. Dramatic as it may sound, it is not an exaggeration to say that technological advances save lives when used responsibly. Instead of looking at the onward march of technology as a criminal or culprit in the various woes of humanity we need to consider it from the more realistic and opportunistic perspective of, “How can we use this technology? How can we develop it to better serve our needs?” Like Prometheus surely scared his friends by wielding fire, we will no doubt earn criticism and condemnation for allowing and encouraging the pursuit of new technologies, but like Prometheus, it will be easy to ignore those criticisms with a full belly. 

My Conclusion 2

It is not hard to find sources that will warn you of the coming robot apocalypse or singularity that will render humans obsolete, either in entertainment - the Matrix or Terminator series - or legitimate science - Ron Kurzweil and the whole school of futuroligists. In part, I agree; computers and technology are capable of terrifying acts of destruction and cold inhumanity. What is important to remember, though, is that none of these acts are possible without human provocation, and the sometimes-scary lifelessness of computers is really only as scary as the lifelessness of a vacuum cleaner or screw driver. In short, they’re tools: Incredibly powerful, important and relied-upon tools, but still just tools. If we ever limit the expansion of technology, we will cost ourselves advances in medicine, food, water and air purification, clean energy developments and crisis management solutions. It is not an exaggeration to say that technological advances save lives when used responsibly. Instead of looking at technology suspiciously, we need to consider it from the perspective of, “How can we use this technology? How can we develop it to better serve our needs?” Like Prometheus surely scared his friends by wielding fire, we will no doubt earn criticism and condemnation for allowing and encouraging the pursuit of new technologies. But, like Prometheus, it will be easy to ignore those criticisms with a full belly - or a robot hygienist meticulously disinfecting our whole house, as the case may be.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Citation and Avoiding Plagiarism

To me and any academics, plagiarism is the worst academic crime you can commit. Plagiarism is taking someone else's ideas and using them as your own. To avoid plagiarism, we have to cite our sources. This is also known as referencing sources, or providing a bibliography. Now, in our first draft, citations are not a top priority, but we can save ourselves time by providing links to our sources in our first draft. For example, look at my example confirmation.

Actually, this supposition stems from a famous scenario from philosopher John Searle in the 1980s. He proposed that an Englishman with no knowledge of Chinese, if locked in a room with an instruction manual for reading and writing Chinese characters, could successfully interpret and respond to messages passed under the door to him from a native Chinese speaker on the outside of the room.
I linked to the article (From Stanford, a reliable academic source) and provided the name of the philosopher. Now everyone knows that this Chinese Room example is not my original work, and no one will think I am trying to take credit for someone else's work. Add links like this:

(Highlight the text you want to link to (1), then click the blue link button in the formatting bar (2), then enter the URL of your source (3), then click Ok)
Later in the quarter we will use APA citations. If you want to get a head start, look here.

Confirmation Example

Instructions:
1. Answer the following questions.
2. Write your confirmation.
3. Start linking to your sources

1. What is my thesis?
Although computers are constantly evolving, they will never be as powerful as the human brain.

2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis? 
I am using expert opinions, a famous and relevant philosophical example and a fun article.

3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?
My arguments have no hard evidence. In fact, I think that is one of the biggest problems with my confirmation. I have good quotes from famous people, and a good example with the Chinese Room, but no statistics or studies to support my thesis. There are no emotional appeals either, but I don't think those would be useful.

My Confirmation

Perhaps one of the challenges to adequately discussing this topic is the difficulty of defining the human brain in a way that can be compared to a computer so as to compare the power of the two. Let's first look at the human brain through a terrible lens, and one that sci fi concepts seem to constantly attribute to computers: the power to destroy. Perhaps the unique human ability to war and fight at a level unique to our species (Dolphins, as predatory and scary as they may be, will never launch a mortar barrage against an enemy pod or engage in genocide.) so will robots ever reach this uniquely human metric? Computer science professor at the University of Sheffield, England Noel Sharkey says no. "They are just computer systems... the only way they can become dangerous is when used in military applications." To Sharkey, robots and artificial intelligence have the greatest growth potential in toy markets, a strong indication of the potential for nefariousness he sees in future computing technology. He goes on to point out that the largest developments in robotics come not from software, but from their hardware. Robots that can walk or navigate difficult terrain seem to be the new trend for robots mimicking human behavior.

An article from Vox.com makes an interesting case about why computers will never be able to match human intelligence:
A computer program has never grown up in a human family, fallen in love, been cold, hungry or tired, and so forth. In short, they lack a huge amount of the context that allows human beings to relate naturally to one another.
Basically, the argument is that even if a computer can match our brain's computational power (A very far off and unlikely possibility), it will never be able to pass as a human because it lacks the experiences that really create our humanity. Or, in other words, humans are so much more than our brain power - we are the products of our upbringings. Our tenacity, will, passions and dreams all come from the sum of our experiences, not how fast we think. Because of that, computers will not be able to function at a human level of creativity or character.

Actually, this supposition stems from a famous scenario from philosopher John Searle in the 1980s. He proposed that an Englishman with no knowledge of Chinese, if locked in a room with an instruction manual for reading and writing Chinese characters, could successfully interpret and respond to messages passed under the door to him from a native Chinese speaker on the outside of the room. Theoretically, given enough time, the Englishman could respond so accurately that the native Chinese speaker would be sure that she was in fact corresponding with another native Chinese speaker.  Essentially, the Englishman would have passed himself off as a Chinese person with no contextual understanding of what it means to be Chinese. The extension of the argument into artificial intelligence is that even if we create a computer that can mimic and interact with humans so convincingly that we believe we are conversing with a real human, that machine will not be human because it lacks the contextual understandings of humanity.

Whether we define the brain by what it produces (In this paper I discussed the example of war, but many other examples would suffice, art or romance, for example), or in terms of raw computational power or how the experiences that mold each molecularly similar brain into such unique masterpieces the conclusion remains the same: Any computer, no matter how powerful or well conceived, can approach a human level of thought or existence.

Week 8 Objectives - The Confirmation


1. Review Google account safety info (And always log out of your Google account!)
2. Read this blog post (Make sure to check for hidden text).
3. Read my example confirmation.
4. Write your own confirmation post with the label "classical argument".
5. Start linking to your sources.

This is similar to the body paragraphs we wrote for 5 paragraph essays. The confirmation is where you support and explain your thesis.

Let's review.

What's the most important part of your essay?

Answer: The thesis

What's a thesis?

Answer: The thesis is a single argument your entire essay is based on. 

What's a good thesis?

Answer: A good thesis is clear, direct and a usable argument (For example, "Red is a pretty color" is not a great thesis because nobody especially cares, and it is an opinion most people would not disagree with).


Now that you have a fabulous thesis, how do you support it? What are some of the tools or methods we've used to support theses, arguments and opinions in the past?

My answers: Expert opinions, reliable internet sources, statistics and facts, logical explanations, but there are many different ways you could support your thesis.

As you write your confirmation, you want to keep asking yourself the question, "Why does my evidence support the thesis?" Make sure your reader understands how your evidence and information supports your position. Logically link your evidence to make a chain of reasoning. 

Your confirmation is arguably the most important section of your essay. This is where you will convince your reader that your opinion, your argument, is correct. This is where your persuasive essay will persuade the reader to your side of reasoning. Make it convincing and compelling!

Also, this is where you need to start citing your sources. That means when you use information from someone else (A newspaper, an interview, a statistic) you need to say where that information came from. 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Narration Example

Instructions:
1. Write your thesis.
2. Answer questions 1, 2 and 3.
3. Write your Narration.

My persuasive argument thesis is: Although computers are constantly evolving, they will never be as powerful as the human brain.

1. What do people already know about my topic?

Everyone knows that computers are extremely powerful. Everyone knows they are vital to modern life. We have computers in our phones, watches, air-con and some of us have them in our bodies. People are exposed to sci-fi movies and books where computers take over the world and enslave people, so some people have an irrational fear about the future of computers. Also, even though we use computers so frequently, it should be noted that many people have no idea how computers really work. 

2. What research has already been done about my topic?

http://research.microsoft.com/en-us/news/features/dnnvision-071414.aspx - Good example of computers learning, especially the speed of growth of computer ability and knowledge. Still limited to very niche application, though.
https://www.humanbrainproject.eu/faq/computing - Interesting new effort at recreating the human brain, and also a nice list of its limitations and challenges to create it.
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/feb/22/computers-cleverer-than-humans-15-years - prominent specialist's opinion that disagrees with my own. I can mention that his career and reputation benefit from such predictions. 

3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)

Humans will remain at the top of the food chain. Computers will be incapable of autonomy. Technology will evolve, humans will need to adapt, but we will never be outsmarted by machines. If people ignore me, they will waste a lot of time, energy and stress worrying about an unrealistic future. They will ignore more realistic threats like global warming or political 

My Narration

Since Samuel Butler first expressed his fears of the rapid development of machinery, humans have fixated on this imagined future where we are enslaved or worse by our own creations. Considering he said, "There is no security against the ultimate development of mechanical consciousness," in the 19th century, before computers, his words proved surprisingly salient. Despite the fact that computers are indisputably growing in terms of computational power at an incredible rate, there is no reason to realistically fear a computer that can work autonomously in any meaningful way, let alone outsmart a human. Consider Microsoft's Project Adam. The software can sort and organize millions of photos quickly and accurately by analyzing the images. It can distinguish between extremely similar looking breeds of dogs in a photo, for example. Practically this means you might one day be able to do an image search for a sweater you want, oh, say, "a mauve cashmere sweater with 3/4 lengths sleeves," and without any cumbersome text based tagging or sorting the search engine will analyze every single image on the internet and parse out all the cashmere sweaters that aren't mauve or have full sleeves. An impressive accomplishment. This represents one of the most incredible achievements of practical computing today. However, even this breakthrough in computing technology does nothing to narrow the gap between computer and human intelligence. The technology cannot operate independently of human involvement. The technology is still responding entirely to human based input, on human based instructions with human programmers and human technology feeding it, like electricity or data from the internet. 

Or, to look at an example of cutting edge technology trying more directly to mirror the power of the human brain, let's consider the Human Brain Project's effort to recreate the human brain's neural network by networking millions of computers. Their hope is that one day the network will be so sophisticated that it will have the same plasticity and power of a human brain. Even though there are real people with real plans to accomplish this, on their own website they acknowledge how unfeasible this project is in reality, and why even if it is created it will not really rival human brain power. First, the power consumption of their current model is more than an obstacle, it is a concrete barrier. The technology required would require hundreds of millions of times the power of the human brain. That means that to power one single hypothetical brain, it would require the entire power production of several small countries combined - for one "brain". 

If we examine the thinkers that predict a world of computers thinking on a human level we encounter a mostly deluded camp of sci-fi lovers who base their theories on Star Wars inspired fantasy more than any facts. Even the serious and respected thinkers, like Ray Kurzweil, Google's "futurologist" (Even the title invites mockery, doesn't it?) have questionable motives when they make predictions about computers that think like people in 15 years. The existence of his job relies on the hope that one day computers can reach that level. Similarly, Kurzweil's reputation would suffer if the idea that computer's will match our thinking power became common place. Certainly The Guardian would be less interested in him.

Artificial intelligence, and the abiding fears of computer-powered dominion over humans, are common place and popular fodder for idle discussion. However, when considered in reality these fears are misguided, and the hope of a computer as smart as a human is absurd. 

Week 7 Objectives - The Narration

Week 7 Objectives
1. Do you want to see examples of good student blogs? Did I leave a comment on your blog? Check! Instructions here.
3. Read this page for instructions on how to write your narration.
4. Make your own narration post - Follow the instructions in red.


This is explanation of Narration is from the Classical Argument PDF I provided:
In the narration, you want to establish a context for your argument. This means that you need to explain the situation to which your argument is responding, as well as any relevant background information, history, statistics, and so on that affect it. (For instance, the abortion argument might well mention Roe vs. Wade, more recent cases, legal precedents, and even public opinion polls.) Once again, the language with which you describe this background will give the audience a picture of you, so choose it carefully. By the end of this section, the readers should understand what’s at stake in this argument—the issues and alternatives the community faces—so that they can evaluate your claims fairly.
In layman's terms, the narration is where you explain how your very focused, targeted and narrow argument fits into the big picture or the real world. For example, "Humans are smarter than computers," is not a very powerful or interesting statement by itself. But now, consider these ideas, too:

  1. For a long time, science fiction has dreamed of a world where computers enslave humans.
  2. Computers have reached a level of power that allows them to beat humans in certain tasks.
  3. Certain predictions claim computers will surpass human intelligence within the next 50 years.
  4. The growth of computer power exceeds the speed with which any other technology has ever grown.
  5. The current generation in the developed world cannot imagine life without cellphones, computers, the internet or the 100 other ways we use computers every day. 
In the context of those facts, the relationship and competition between human and computer intelligence becomes more significant and interesting. 


Connect your island to the world!
Basically, the narration takes your little topic's island and connects it to the rest of the world. The questions you should be asking yourself for the narration are:

  1. What do people already know about my topic?
  2. What research has already been done about my topic?
  3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)
The information you decide to include will influence the rest of your article. On the internet there will be a million articles that come from different sources with different opinions. You want to use reliable sources, not opinions on blogs, and you want to focus on articles and sources that will benefit your argument. (Later, in the refutation and concession you will spend time examining the opponent's perspective.) 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Introduction Example

Everyday we marvel at the power of our tiny computing devices - a phone that knows if it is in a purse or not, a watch that tracks your calendar, or shoes that help you exercise optimally by measuring your heart rate. However, we usually forget perhaps the most amazing computing device we all have - our brains. Perhaps computers can beat the brain in certain, limited computational tasks, but the overall performance of the brain out-performs every man made object to date. Think about it - Your brain keeps you balanced while you walk, helps you decide when and what to eat, regulates your emotions and allows for all art and culture ever produced. Actually, you couldn't even think about this without your brain, a task no computer could accomplish. Although computers are constantly evolving, they will never be as powerful as the human brain.

1. Attention grabber -
I attracted the audience by describing a familiar situation to them, commonplace and powerful technology. Then I pointed out something most of them forget - they themselves are actually incredible computational powerhouses.

2. Explains the topic -
In the attention grabber I introduce all the elements of my topic: Human computational power, computer computational power, and the comparison of the two.

3. My thesis -
It is clear, direct and an argument. I thought the argument "Human brains are more powerful than computers" was too simple and nobody would dispute it. I changed it to a better argument, computers will NEVER be as powerful as the human brain.

Week 6 Objectives - The Introduction

  1. Read the introduction to the classical argument blog post.
  2. Check out the new "Hidden text" thing I'm doing.
  3. Read the following information about the introduction of your classical argument.
  4. Write the introduction for your first draft with the label "first draft introduction" and explain the three parts.




The introduction in a classical argument is similar to the introduction in the 5 paragraph essays we practiced last semester. It has three  main objectives.

The introduction:
  1. Attracts the audience. 
  2. Explains the topic.
  3. Declares the thesis of your argument.






1. Attract the audience.

How do you get people to listen to you? There are so many voices in the world. Some are very loud, some are quiet but important and some aren't worth paying much attention to. How do you convince your audience early in your essay that your voice and essay are worth listening to?

Brainstorm some ideas for what attracts you to people and comment on this blog post with your ideas. Is it a friendly personality? What about confidence? Humor? There are no right or wrong answers. Consider these two "attention grabbers". 
  1. Everyone has a brain, and a lot of people have computers. Which one do you think is more powerful?
  2. Everyday we perform complex calculations that we don't even recognize. You have inhaled enough oxygen to nourish your blood, but not so much that you feel sick and lightheaded because of over-oxygenization. Every time you take a step you perform a feat unique in the animal kingdom - balancing your whole body on one leg, then the other, to move forward. I won't even consider the higher function brain operations like social interaction or emotional problem solving. And then there are computers, routinely praised for their "incredible processing power." Amazing! A computer can anticipate weather patterns, beat humans in chess and play the stock market - but are these calculations really so amazing?
Which one is more compelling? (After thinking about your answer, highlight the following text to see my answer).

They both compare the human brain and the computer. One of them does it very simply and quickly, very directly and clearly. The other is a more complex and extended attention grabber. It might be more difficult to understand, but the reader is left with more questions and curiosity about the topic then the first one. The second attention grabber is more appealing and appropriate. 
*Did you notice?* In class I always said, "Don't use rhetorical questions!" but in both these attention grabbers I used rhetorical questions. I am lifting the ban on questions - You can use them (If you want to - You don't have to), but you must use them wisely. "Wisely" means don't ask easy or obvious questions, or questions that have answers that do not matter like, "What do you think about computers?"
You can tell funny stories to get your readers attention, you can startle them with a surprising fact or observation. There are as many ways to get the readers attention as there are students in our class, but make sure you spend the necessary time to make an effective attention grabber.

2. Explain the topic

Explaining the topic and attracting the audience will probably overlap. You want to tell the reader what your topic is BEFORE you present your argument. So, for example, if your argument is, "The human brain is more powerful than computers," you can't start your essay with a funny story about computers and then declare your argument. Consider this (poorly formed) introduction.
My grandma is really bad with computers. One time she was trying to check her email, but she got tricked by spam email and downloaded a bunch of malicious software. She broke the computer! Humans are smarter than computers. 
Why is this a bad introduction? (After thinking about your answer, highlight the following text to see my answer).

We need to see all elements of the topic before you introduce your argument. So here, we need to know that the topic is intelligence, and that we are comparing humans and computers. This would be an ineffective story or attention grabber for this topic, also, because it demonstrates human stupidity, and the argument will focus on human superiority. Let's modify it a little bit -  
Senior citizens are notoriously bad with computers. Many grandchildren are familiar with helping their elders check their email or navigate the world wide web. Even though technology might be difficult for the older generation, their brains are still infinitely more powerful than the most powerful computer. 
Why is this a good introduction? (After thinking about your answer, highlight the following text to see my answer).

Now we have a story that a lot of people can recognize and agree with - a good attention grabber because it makes the reader more willing to listen to the author - and a mention of all the important elements of this essay, human brains versus computer intelligence.  

Make sure your topic is clear BEFORE you introduce your argument on the topic.


3. Declare your thesis


The thesis would be part 16,
everything else is the rest of your essay
A thesis is an idea or argument that your entire essay is based on, and it is the single most important part of your essay. It is the central hub that all parts of the essay connect to, like the axle of a wheel.

It is very similar to the topic sentences we wrote last semester.

Your thesis sentence should be direct, clear and an argument that you can use for the rest of your essay. Consider these thesis statements. Which ones are good? Which are bad? Why? (After you think about your answers highlight them to see my thoughts.)

1. Human brains are smarter than computers. - This is a good thesis because it is direct, clear and a reasonable argument.
2. Human brains and computers share many similarities.  - This thesis is direct and clear, but it is not a very good argument. Nobody would disagree with it, so we can't really argue about it. It is true, computers and brains share similarities - where's the argument?
3. Human brains are the best. - Compared to what? This is ambiguous and not clear.
4. Computers can't do as much as the human brain. - This is too broad. Computers can do many things the human brain can't do. A good thesis will specify WHAT a computer cannot do. 
5. Human brains, our most powerful survival tool, evolved by out-thinking our competitors, and logically since computers are just one tool made by humans they are inferior in computational power. - This is not direct or clear. It sounds pretty, but there is too much information and it is too easy to misunderstand. Remember KISS (Keep It Simple, Sir!)


Saturday, August 30, 2014

First Draft Instructions or FAQ

First, label (태그) your post "first draft".


  1. When is it due? September 12, 23:59 October 26 11:59 pm
  2. How long should your first draft be? Long enough. Probably 3-5 pages.
  3. How many sources should use? Use enough sources. Probably 3-5. 
  4. Do you have to cite your sources? Yes - Just a web link or site name is sufficient for now. 
  5. Is there a structure I must follow? Yes - Use the classical argument format.
  6. How is the first draft graded? Mostly based on whether or not you use the classical argument format
  7. What if I have questions? Ask Sam or Agnes teacher, ask a friend, email samlandfried@gmail.com. You can post questions on these blog posts, below, too.